An Apology For Adding To Your Shock:
I'm very sorry I have not had the time or emotional energy to fully explain what actually happened as I was swamped looking after George and acting as his relentless Guardian through this process.
On July 4th weekend I took George to Emergency One to get him an inhaler. We believed he was having a bad Asthma attack and the remedies I used for him at home were not strong enough. We are told to get to the hospital asap because he had a heart condition [Afib].
George was admitted immediately to Dutchess Hospital with very active Afib and they begin trying to pull down the erratic heart rhythm with very strong and necessary medication. George didn't drink, smoke or do ANY kind of drugs...and he had only had about 5 aspirin in his entire lifetime--he reacted very badly to the medication. George, in a medicine-induced haze checked himself out of the hospital in the wee hours of the morning. I raced to get him and take him home. I spend a few hours the next day rapidly detoxing his muddled brain from the medications. We talked turkey and we agree he would check himself back in the following day and we packed him an overnight case...just in case.
We repeated the process at Dutchess Hospital [they are NOT amused because he "did a runner" the previous day] and the meds begin again...and fail...so stronger meds are administered and George goes out of him mind again. It is clear I am the only one who could be his Guardian during this process because he is in and out of focus. The hospital decides to transfer him to Vassar Hospital [their sister hospital] which has much better tools at their disposal. It is a very good choice. George is transferred by ambulance and I follow behind. The next 40 days or so at Vassar are tough! CoVid restrictions begin limiting visits. I am with him 8 hours a day in hospital + 3 hours of driving each day. It is exhausting...and George is in & out of focus on increasingly powerful medications.
On arrival at Vassar we are told some of the very bad news. It is a pre-existing condition and it's not good. George is in heart failure and the ONLY option that makes sense is Heart Bypass Surgery--and it has to be immediate. George had had a heart attack a year [ironically during our vacation in February in Florida] each year for the past 3 years. We knew this and attended to them...but his recovery from each one was so spectacular and quick that we didn't realize the accumulated damage to the heart would be permanent. I had him on heart supplementation [and much more for years and years] to support and repair the heart. However the present heart failure [with the Afib] put him at approximately 30% heart function. Not good news. We talked together at great length and agreed to the surgery despite our fears. The vascular team snuck me into the hospital at 3 am on the day of surgery so we could have extra time together. In that time we spoke a little and agreed we were bargaining for more time [that was very clear!]. We mostly held hands and sat with each other. Inevitably the surgery time came...and when it was done George had undergone a quadruple bypass to save his life. The surgery was, and remained, spectacularly effective.
Sadly, two days after a great successful surgery he suffered a stroke. And thankfully most of the negative effects of it improved within a few days. It did leave him with a left-sided visual deficit and other minor left-sided issues. A few days later George was talking to one of his many GREAT nurses and I was, as always, in the room and he went flaccid, his eyes rolled up...and he left his body in front of us. I screamed and in seconds the room was filled with about 25 staff who had responded to the nurse's code call. My sweet husband slid back into his body and asked what all the fuss was about! He said, "I feel so peaceful...and if I could just sit and meditate for awhile...I know I'll be fine...everyone here seems pretty anxious". I called him a few choice rude names and laughed that only he could come back this way. There were to be 4 more of these "episodes" over the next week...but he didn't leave his body during them.
If you know my husband, you know the massive physical strength he had. This one fact alone made almost all of his amazing progress possible. He did great with Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy and managing most of the drug-induced in-and-out focus which was still present. The post-surgical progress, scar healing, tube removal post-surgically and more were all smooth sailing thanks mostly to his pronounced physical strength. I started a very strong push to get us into Acute Rehab as I was painfully aware that once home he needed to have skills to navigate our many stairs.
I helped [read: pushed hard!] get us released into an Active Rehab Unit back at Dutchess Hospital that was small and staffed with great rehab folks. I was only be allowed to be with him 4 hours a day here...and most of his day was spent getting worked/built up for eventual release home. The staff in this unit also saw the great tranquilizing effect my presence had on George so they wrote me a special pass for visitations during CoVid tightening. I was the only visitor allowed in the hospital during this stretch. We were very lucky.
During this time our two amazing friends Joan & Sandy drove up from Florida to help me rehab/prep our house for George's eventual return. They made it possible for us to have good safety measures in place...and prepped me for sanity & focus! George spent about 10 days in rhythm in the Acute Rehab Unit getting better and was suddenly sent upstairs to the ICU at Dutchess Hospital [where we already were]. The day he was sent there I had to leave shortly and made my way home. I got a call at midnight from a doctor [not the kind of call anyone wants--ever!] saying George had been transferred BACK to Vassar [without my knowledge or consent, fyi] in the middle of the night. There was more bad news...CoVid restrictions had escalated dramatically...and I was no longer allowed to visit him in the hospital!!! It was the hardest thing imaginable at this time.
During this time our two amazing friends Joan & Sandy drove up from Florida to help me rehab/prep our house for George's eventual return. They made it possible for us to have good safety measures in place...and prepped me for sanity & focus! George spent about 10 days in rhythm in the Acute Rehab Unit getting better and was suddenly sent upstairs to the ICU at Dutchess Hospital [where we already were]. The day he was sent there I had to leave shortly and made my way home. I got a call at midnight from a doctor [not the kind of call anyone wants--ever!] saying George had been transferred BACK to Vassar [without my knowledge or consent, fyi] in the middle of the night. There was more bad news...CoVid restrictions had escalated dramatically...and I was no longer allowed to visit him in the hospital!!! It was the hardest thing imaginable at this time.
In all my time at Vassar with George I was constantly on guard and also romancing the nursing staff [easy to do--they were totally amazing!] daily to be "in the know" about what was going on for my husband. Not any more. I had one brief call a day with his nurse to go over details...and it was nowhere near enough to feel fully informed about anything. George and I also had much less phone contact because of the left-sided deficit [I discovered] made it impossible for him to dial a phone or to deal with communication well. We relied on the endless kindness of the nurses to help him use the phone when I called. It was to be a terrible, lonely, isolated week...and then the EXTRA bad news hit: The bed we had secured on the Friday of Labor Day Weekend back in Acute Rehab [where we had been, loved and thrived in] we lost. A decision was made to send him home. We all...Joan...Sandy...George...and myself...flipped out. We were not ready!
Home on too many meds, too soon for our liking...but George was doing the stairs once or twice each day at home by the second day! Remember that amazing strength? We dismissed a terrible set of home nurses and physical therapists from the house quickly as it was clear they were going to be LESS than helpful for us. George and I had two very sweet weeks at home together in a beautiful kind of rhythm. The highlight each day was a long drive to see the outside world and for him to rest. Before we ever started this journey I used to take him on very long drives of 2 or 3 hours to help him rest in the car; we used to joke it worked for toddlers...so why not him! His long standing insomnia was massively helped by these long drives. So for 2 weeks together we drove daily and his physical strength got us through the dressing, assisted walking [I had him on a Gait Belt and 2 different walkers and more!] and everything else. It was a very sweet time with just the two of us. One day he had a 3 falls and I managed [thanks to the Gait Belt I had on him] to catch him twice. There was a small head bump...very small. That same day on our drive he went to open the car door for our usual get-out-and-have-a-small-stretch-break...and passed out. He fell from the car onto gravel and hit his head. In seconds a wonderful landscaper appeared who was out for a walk with his grandson and helped me get George back into the car. We got home and eventually inside...all of George's physical strength had drained away that day. We found ourselves trapped on the living room floor the next morning unable to hoist him up onto the couch...and I was unable to leave him unattended to get help. I called our amazing friends Joan and Sandy in Florida [they were home now] in a panic and asked for their help and sage advice. Because they are our dear chums and they have had lots of family suffer strokes and debility they gave us the very BEST piece of advice. They said, "it might be time to call Hospice". How right they were.
At 9 a.m. we were trapped on the living room floor. By 3 p.m. that day George was in a hospital bed which had been delivered stat with oxygen as a back up and we were safe, sound and under the protective care & guidance of Hospice in our home. They were true to every single promise they made us and helped George and I get into a rhythm headed towards peace...gracefully. I was able to tell a bunch of them one morning that George was one of the very first fundraisers in our county who helped establish Hospice. I still find that amazingly moving. Our nurse was spectacular in every possible way...and he helped George with great respect and care. He also helped my husband descend from a terrible anxious state...to peace. Our very smart nurse also engaged me strongly in the process so I could tend my husband. We will never forget his compassion, kindness, grace, humor and skill. Thank you, Kevin Levack!!! Hospice lived up to every single promise they made us.
On the morning of October 1st I was busy with Hospice folks on our deck eating delicious cake our dear friend Juliette had made and delivered...it had the feel of a kind of sweet party. Found out it's not often the folks from Hospice get to spend any time with each other...so we did. Later on it was just me with John and Raecine; two of George's oldest friends [who he used to travel into the jungle of Peru with] and John played some sweet ukulele music as we sat with George. I watched as my husband took his last breath...peacefully! And I signaled John and Rae. It seemed so perfect that it was the three of us there with him; quietly attending his graceful exit.
George had a long-standing death request that he knew I would honor. He wanted to lie in state for 3 days before cremation. I opted to have him stay at the house with me, rather than be taken to the funeral home. It was a wonderful choice. Three intimate days being together. Alone and together with my husband. I got to annoint him with oils repeatedly...and talk with him...and be with him. At the end of three days the funeral home came to collect his body for cremation.
So those are the highlights of the story that spanned from July 4th Weekend through to October 1st, 2021. You can see the in-person Memorial Recording on this site and eventually I will post the Zoom Memorial once we have it done. Now you know what happened. I'm sorry I couldn't explain it all earlier; but it was an exhausting and draining time. I was busy standing as Guardian for my husband of 28 years. I hope knowing some of the details will reduce the shock and mystery surrounding his passing.
We will continue to love him...and miss him...and his big heart.
Much love,
Rudy Hunter & George Koury
We will continue to love him...and miss him...and his big heart.
Much love,
Rudy Hunter & George Koury